Quotastical 11.1.11

One must not lose desires. They are mighty stimulants to creativeness, to love, and to long life. —  Alexander A. Bogomoletz

I think this is my problem these days. Lack of stimulants caused by stretching myself too thin. Trying to change that.


Communicate, smunicate?

There are several different styles of communication, and not in just the textbook way. It’s become apparent that the way I communicate isn’t necessarily the way you do. Now, its been years since I’ve taken a communication class (at least 5 since I sought admission to the Rutgers School of Communication & Library Studies) and I may be out of touch, but lessons on communication are in every training I’ve received for work and in classes I’m interested in for graduate school. The MOST important part of effectively communicating is active/effective listening.

In a mandatory training for my job last week we discussed the importance of actually answering the question that is asked because even though we may think we can predict the question that’s not always the best case scenario. And we discussed the importance of emotions in emails. What say you? That’s right, emails don’t have emotions: the people reading the emails have emotions. Which is why it may not be best to throw in what you may think of as a joke in a serious conversation.

Point of this? Lately I’ve dealt with some personal issues that have stemmed from communication. Personally, I talk about what’s going on in my world, it actually helps me sort through my emotions and actions. Most of the time I’m not seeking advice or an answer.. When I want that, I ask for it. The other person in the scenario wasn’t a talker. In fact issues they were dealing with outside of me led to conflict between us. I think if they had of given me a clue as to what was going on in their world we’d have avoided conflict. My grandmother and I both communicate differently, she communicates in anger and I’m more rational. She likes to write you letters telling how she feels (I have found some of these letters stuffed in books) and with her, well I just let her be until she calms down. We communicate differently with different people, do you think this is true? I do. Think about it, you communicate differently with your friends than you do with family and its completely different with a potential lover/boyfriend.

I guess the point is that communication is vital, and I’ve learned from my last experience that its important to make your communication style known early on.

When in doubt…

Do you ever just feel … Not enough. Like everyone you meet is prettier? thinner? sexier? smarter? And just plain better? Having one of those weeks. Self-Doubt is an ugly monster that rears its head when you think you’re doing fine. It likes to sneak up on you when you’re feeling good about yourself, your accomplishments, and your life.Or it makes you feel like when one thing goes wrong, everything else that happens is just a result of that catalyst… no?

Maybe its just me?

I suggested to my friend we go to church. For anyone who knows me, they know that’s completely NOT ME! I love God, but I’m just not into Church… but I like to go once every 3-5 years to check it out and you k now, remind myself I’m not a total heathen. Who knows, they say you don’t like church until you find a church you like … Ionno about alll of that, but I’m willing to make my pilgrimage to the church. It has been a few years since I’ve been.

Quotastical! 10/8/10

” 1 Universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 6 billions people and I still met YOU”

That’s sweet. If I was into running game and using lines .. I’d so use that (because you know I’m a smooth operator, lol!!) Are there really more islands than countries though? And why didn’t they list the continents? I need to do some statistical checks on this quote! #cantletagoodthingbe

Phenomenal, that’s me!

This is how I felt today … I just kinda wanted to re-read this poem. I guess just an ode to awesomeness. Yup .. and that means you’re awesome too!

Phenomenal Woman – Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Don’t you feel just a little bit better?

throwback to 2005

I used to participate in a writing group on yahoo! One of the tasks was to write something using ten random words… I highlighted the ones I remember being part of the list .. I’m missing one though. Darn old age & memory loss lol!


I guess the equivalent of you being here could be satisfied by the nudge of my finger inside myself,
but it wouldn’t be nearly as exhilarating as feeling you inside me, hard like never before.
But instead i am here feeling the most intense loneliness ever, its a grade above anything Ive ever felt before.
All my thoughts are filled with erotica causing this sensation between my legs, making my knees go weak.
Its futile to pretend that i’m not disillusioned with thoughts that your touch can cure anything thrown my way.
But for now I must accept the fact that your being gregarious and don’t have the time for me that I’d like,
so i’ll stay here, waiting, longing for u.

Debbie Downer no more!

You don’t let other people steal your joy. It’s been something I’ve heard, said, and tried to live by. But this is a hard life lesson to live by. How can I be happy (about seemingly NOTHING) while you’re calling me with your major problems? It’s like I have to contain my (useless) joy because you’re depressed. I don’t want to be depressed. I think the problem is I’m too empathetic. Is that possible? I mean, I actually think I feel the pain that you’re going through, especially if I can’t help you. By help, I mean offer you kind words of encouragement or maybe even a slice of cake to cheer you up.  It’s frustrating to want to tell you “things will work out” and have you snap on me. I know that when its dark its hard to believe that things will get better. It’s also frustrating for me to want to tell you that, this is an end result of years of bad decision making on your part. I want to say it, but its hard.

I also don’t want to ask how things are and nothing is positive. I don’t want to have friends whose lives are filled with “non-positives”. It’s kind of a buzzkill. What do you say to someone who is constantly high lighting the bad in life? How about the good? Waking up may not seem good, but it is. Having a place to lay you’re head (even its not ideal) is good. Being of sound mind is a good thing. This shirt makes me look thin is a good thing. My hair looks good today. Maybe I’m too easily satisfied by the good things and that wasn’t always the case. I’ve been down in the dumps. I’ve driven home and cried myself to sleep but I tried not to put that part for the world to see.

I sound like a bad friend? Do I sound selfish? I feel selfish . Actually that’s a lie. I don’t feel selfish. I feel like I’ve lent enough shoulders and ears to have a right to say “stop complaining and do something.” It’s mean, maybe. But what use is complaining if you aren’t going to fix it? I have yet to meet someone who has said, “I’m exactly where I wanted to be in life at this age.” Never. But I do enjoy meeting the person who admits they aren’t where they imagined they’d be and are taking steps to get closer. I am tired of the people in life who are unhappy and unwilling to change.

Prompt 215 : Weave a Poem …

Weave a poem that contains all these lines ( in no particular order) “I tie the ribbon in a foolish way” “the delicious fragility of this travesty” and “where we still laugh and wish”

the delicious fragility of this travesty
reeks bittersweet in the melody of my mind
but leaves my heart agape with agony
like a melody left unsung
a time where you and I had a carefree
you were young, viral, sweet
and I was
slightly less jaded about the realities of the world
I fantasized and imagined
growing old and repeating lifes cycle
the American dream and the pursuit of happiness
my mind led me and it let me
do things only a fool would do
in fact
I tie the ribbon in a foolish way
mixing those days with these memories
a jumbled cycle only you could deciper

instead of passively passing time
growing old with stories of you and i
the screen plays a play where we still laugh and wish
just one more
we did this and we went there
i stand here and talk to a sky
missing days of you and I
I wish I could say it was all you
alas yet another untruth in the
web of our lives
sorry friend


“Passion makes the world go round, love just makes it a safer place.”

“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye” -H. Jackson Browne Jr.

Just things I had saved in BB for later use. And Mr. T, D, & H has me feeling all happy & giddy today. So I’m sharing the joy

My BBM status today (its been raining in NJ since Sunday) “I don’t hate the rain. It makes me appreciate the sunshine.” – This quote can go whichever way you want it. It’s definitely real. Did 50 cent say, you can’t feel joy without pain ?? Well idk about all that .. but I’ve been sad .. and I LOVE happy.

I just wanna be…

Enamored. Smitten. Fascinated. None of the words seem to best describe what I feel currently .. I guess you could say I’m happy. Happy for what is and what could be. It’s funny you can know someone for a long time but you’re really just getting to know them … doesn’t sound just right in words .. but it makes sense, I swear.

I tend to sometimes spend a lot of time in my  head thinking of things that were and things the future can hold .. righ tnow I’m content to just BE. I’m always talking to one of my close friends about not thinking so much about the past and what could be.. and just focus on the present and where you are. Ignoring outside influences. I practice taking my own advice. In the practice what you preach kind of way but way cooler.

I just hope the happy and the sense of just being doesn’t fade. I kinda like it.

Yet another untitled …

i don’t know whether to feel stressed, blessed

or vexed…

more so infinitely perplexed

at the mystery that is life

and even though it sounds quite contrite

what i just realized is that to some I have it all to me it seems plain dismal…

I feel like I have nothing

its easier to look through my glass walls

than it is for me to escape

I’m a slave to the image

a slave to the pretense

I’d rather be a slave to my love labor

laboring over each other

exploring the passages of your mind

while excavating your soul

digging deeper for the eternal connection that love brings

if it only it could be that simple

if you could realize what I realized

that this american dream we’re living

removes valuable space in our hearts chambers

giving less room for love and

less time for each other


“I want to give/have the kind of love that gives you the courage to be better than you are, not less than you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible. I want you to have that. I want you to know that you deserve that. ”

Don’t know where I heard it, but I love it!

BlackBerry(tm) Molasses

This is an unedited thing-a-ma-jig I wrote on my lovely Blackberry one day. Thoughts hit me leaving the gym and so I typed it at a red light …

I don’t know if its going to get edited or further developed.. but here it is ::

I loved really hard once
Best & worst feeling all wrapped up in one
His touched burned my skin
Incited by desire
Fueled by disdain
Love feels so good it hurts
You know, like when you smile so much it hurts?
Or when u laugh yourself into cramps
Too much love is pain
Nothing else you can gain
Or so I felt on this day

Wanted you so bad

It was the only wish
Three so unnecessary
Flames scorched my heart
Loved burned me alive
From the inside out
Cheery jubilant turned
Bitter sidhe

Creative Writing Prompt #7

I choose the creative writing prompts randomly. The numbers are from1-354 (or some other number in the three hundreds) and I just pick them .. Here’s one that I think will give great additions to a story I’m writing….

Creative Writing Prompt #7

Electricity is a recent discovery. Think of 12 things to do when there’s no power.

1. Have sex. Night time, lightening knocked the power out. Dark, touching, kissing.
2. day time. play board games. monopoly. scrabble. Jenga. cards
3. read a book by the daylight.
4. organize your closet
5. clean your house, kitchen, bathroom.
6. masturbate
7. sleep
8. write, a journal entry or a story
9. paint your nails
1o. play hide and seek with your friends
11. exercise
12. visit friends and family .

So … do you think these have the potential to be great? What have I missed?

Anybody listening?

*taps mic*

Is this thing on? I’ve decided to re-invigorate this site… in a whole different direction. Here is where we’ll find more creative writing and a place to publish prompts. All of this work is my creative, original property. Remember folks — stealing is illegal.

What prompted this was lately I’ve been feeling less and less like the writer I want to be. I’ve in fact not been writing at all. My blog, http://www.cleosunshine.com has been taking a beating. I want to find a way to reestablish my creative center. This means more time writing personally. I’ve recently been writing in a ‘Book of Truths’ which is helping me discover many things about myself. After helping a friend set up her first blog (www.diqisdope.wordpress.com) it helped me remember this is where it started for me. So I gave it a much needed makeover which included a new theme, a new image that speaks to me, and am ready to infuse this site with the new ME! Get ready for a ride that I hope you enjoy. I want your feedback on alllll pieces!


Previous Older Entries

"FYI... I'm dope"


June 2018
« Nov